Book notes: How to Win Friends and Influence People
A classic on people skills. I’ve summarised the principles here, but I recommend everyone reads the book as it’s rich with examples of famous historical figures and Carnegie’s personal anecdotes.
Fundamental techniques in handling people
- Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Inspire in the other person an eager want.
Six ways to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
How to win people to your way of thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Respect the other’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong”.
- If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. (Socratic Method)
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to nobler motives.
- Dramatise your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge. (stimulate competition)
Be a leader
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest and every improvement.
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make a fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the person happy about doing the thing you suggest.